A former colleague at The Reader's Digest was an Art Director in the Creative Department. Donald had an extraordinary way with words. Some of our colleagues would stuff a hankie into their mouths, with eyes streaming with tears of mirth, and rush into another office to write down some of the things he said.
Donald ranked with Spooner, Mrs Malaprop and Sam Goldwyn in his mangling of language.
He developed MS and, to raise some funds for the Multiple Sclerosis Society, and with his permission, we published a small book of Donald's collected sayings, under the title, "My Pear Tree Has Gone Bananas". If you ever got your hands on a copy, you'd have found it was "right up your cup of tea", as Donald himself once said.
When he struggled with powerful emotions, Don would mix his metaphors. Here are a few:
This job is a right swine of a cow
It's always better talking to the horse's mouth
There was a little rat on the door
I'm caught between the devil and the frying pan
Donald liked his food, and was heard to say:
Can I have the Halibut Provencale without the garlic?
I can't even remember what I had for lunch yesterday; it all goes in one ear and out the other
He comes around here and picks up all the crumbs that make up the cream
Asked about his illness, Don said:
It's all to do with the spine ... because the legs are connected to the body, and the ams are connected to the head
My legs felt like solid jelly
I feel like death rolled up
My doctor said I'm not as young as I should be
Feeling the need for emphasis, he would say:
I don't exaggerate, I do six million jobs at once
Five tenths of an inch is an inch in my language
When I coach people in the best ways to get their point across, I still remember Don calling it a disastrous success and asking, How long is a carrot?
He spoke the way he thought. Right up his cup of tea.
Thursday, 30 July 2009
What would you do?
There is often a dilemma about the fees paid to and by agencies who pass work on to freelances.
Jane is a freelance trainer and was approached, the other day, by an agency who offered her a short term teaching course at a Midlands college for (say) 20 GBP per hour. When she got to the college, the Dean told her that he had not engaged the agency to fill the post, but had advertised it on Monster for (say) 40 GBP per hour. The agency had offered to provide a tutor for (say) 35 GBP per hour, so the Dean accepted.
The Dean went on to say that he was not keen on using agencies, and had other work for Jane to do, all at 40 GBP per hour, when the short term course was over.
So, the college had no contractual obligation to the agency, and Jane's commitment was for the short term course alone, at the reduced rate of 20 GBP per hour. Should she complete the course and then accept further work direct from the college at twice the money she was getting from the agency?
What would you do?
Jane is a freelance trainer and was approached, the other day, by an agency who offered her a short term teaching course at a Midlands college for (say) 20 GBP per hour. When she got to the college, the Dean told her that he had not engaged the agency to fill the post, but had advertised it on Monster for (say) 40 GBP per hour. The agency had offered to provide a tutor for (say) 35 GBP per hour, so the Dean accepted.
The Dean went on to say that he was not keen on using agencies, and had other work for Jane to do, all at 40 GBP per hour, when the short term course was over.
So, the college had no contractual obligation to the agency, and Jane's commitment was for the short term course alone, at the reduced rate of 20 GBP per hour. Should she complete the course and then accept further work direct from the college at twice the money she was getting from the agency?
What would you do?
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
An unexpected benefit
I happened to Google my name today, just to see what came up. Among the 19,400 entries, I came across a book of mine in an unexpected place.
A website that offers Inspiration and Hope in Bereavement Counselling features my least serious book, Be the best Best Man and Make a Stunning Speech.
I think it came about because somewhere along the line, early publicity for the book sought to justify the double "Best" by adding a comma to the title. In a number of locations, it reads, Be the Best, Best Man and Make a Stunning Speech. Search engines have picked up "Be the Best" and bunged it into the self-help arena.
It is, of course, a self-help book, although of a different kind.
I wrote it almost as a dare. My publisher, HowToBooks, asked if I could do such a book and, naturally, I said Yes. Wouldn't you?
It has just been reprinted for the 10th time! I received my author's complimentary copy yesterday and re-read it. To my delight, I liked it a lot. If someone else had written it, I'd have said, "I wish I'd written that."
It contains Myths and Legends about the marriage ritual, jokes, quotations, and a killer section on the Duties of the Best Man, as well as detailed directions for the preparation and delivery of that all-important Best Man's speech.
At just £8.99 it's a steal! And worth a read even if you are not about to be Best Man. If you can't get it from Waterstone's or Smith's, email me and I'll sell you a copy.
A website that offers Inspiration and Hope in Bereavement Counselling features my least serious book, Be the best Best Man and Make a Stunning Speech.
I think it came about because somewhere along the line, early publicity for the book sought to justify the double "Best" by adding a comma to the title. In a number of locations, it reads, Be the Best, Best Man and Make a Stunning Speech. Search engines have picked up "Be the Best" and bunged it into the self-help arena.
It is, of course, a self-help book, although of a different kind.
I wrote it almost as a dare. My publisher, HowToBooks, asked if I could do such a book and, naturally, I said Yes. Wouldn't you?
It has just been reprinted for the 10th time! I received my author's complimentary copy yesterday and re-read it. To my delight, I liked it a lot. If someone else had written it, I'd have said, "I wish I'd written that."
It contains Myths and Legends about the marriage ritual, jokes, quotations, and a killer section on the Duties of the Best Man, as well as detailed directions for the preparation and delivery of that all-important Best Man's speech.
At just £8.99 it's a steal! And worth a read even if you are not about to be Best Man. If you can't get it from Waterstone's or Smith's, email me and I'll sell you a copy.
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
The bare-faced cheek of an ideas-thief
Some people have the hide of a rhino when it comes to pinching the intellectual property of others! Public speakers are particularly vulnerable.
When I gave a talk about better public speaking, I used the face of a clock as a mnemonic for all the essentials. Later I was approached by a chap who told me how much he enjoyed the talk and especially the clock face idea, and he said he was going to use my idea in a speech he was planning to give soon.
I have a number of 'signature' Hooks to capture the attention of my audiences. One of them is the use of Fortune Cookies, another is the 3-rope trick. It has come to my notice that another speaker has adopted both.
Back in 1985 I created the term "microwave method" to describe my approach to training. I have seen the term in use on the internet.
My friend Paul Joslin attended a speech in the Midlands in which the speaker told a sob story that Paul had heard before in America. When he later tackled the speaker about it, the man said, "I doubt anyone in that audience had been to America, so it doesn't matter."
These are just a few examples of intellectual piracy. How would you feel if it was YOUR idea being stolen?
When I gave a talk about better public speaking, I used the face of a clock as a mnemonic for all the essentials. Later I was approached by a chap who told me how much he enjoyed the talk and especially the clock face idea, and he said he was going to use my idea in a speech he was planning to give soon.
I have a number of 'signature' Hooks to capture the attention of my audiences. One of them is the use of Fortune Cookies, another is the 3-rope trick. It has come to my notice that another speaker has adopted both.
Back in 1985 I created the term "microwave method" to describe my approach to training. I have seen the term in use on the internet.
My friend Paul Joslin attended a speech in the Midlands in which the speaker told a sob story that Paul had heard before in America. When he later tackled the speaker about it, the man said, "I doubt anyone in that audience had been to America, so it doesn't matter."
These are just a few examples of intellectual piracy. How would you feel if it was YOUR idea being stolen?
Friday, 17 July 2009
Did this actually happen?
I have just been sent this 'true story'. Have you seen or heard it yourself?
I wonder if it actually did take place.
It is claimed to be a true story from the Japanese Embassy in the US .
A few days back, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before visiting Washington to meet President Barack Obama...
The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Obama, please say " How r u". Then Mr. Obama should say, "I am fine, and you?" Now, you should say "Me too ". Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is...
When Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said "who r u?" (Instead of "How r u?")
Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha... "
Then Mori replied " me too, ha-ha.. .".
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.
What do you think?
PKP
I wonder if it actually did take place.
It is claimed to be a true story from the Japanese Embassy in the US .
A few days back, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before visiting Washington to meet President Barack Obama...
The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Obama, please say " How r u". Then Mr. Obama should say, "I am fine, and you?" Now, you should say "Me too ". Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is...
When Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said "who r u?" (Instead of "How r u?")
Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha... "
Then Mori replied " me too, ha-ha.. .".
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.
What do you think?
PKP
Thursday, 16 July 2009
English as she is wrote
Continuing my short series on the use of language.
Different nations use English differently. Sometimes the wrong words get in the way, just because they sound like the ones intended.
I received this essay written by a candidate for a branch of the Indian Civil Service, and thought I must share it with you:
INDIAN COW
He is the cow. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forwards and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement.
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. And he is also useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapond to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft onto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.
Good old Mahesh Pandey! I don't know if he got the job, but if he wants a more traditional approach to the English language, he should contact me at: phillip@pkpcommunicators.com.
PKP
Different nations use English differently. Sometimes the wrong words get in the way, just because they sound like the ones intended.
I received this essay written by a candidate for a branch of the Indian Civil Service, and thought I must share it with you:
INDIAN COW
He is the cow. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forwards and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement.
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. And he is also useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapond to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft onto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.
Good old Mahesh Pandey! I don't know if he got the job, but if he wants a more traditional approach to the English language, he should contact me at: phillip@pkpcommunicators.com.
PKP
Wednesday, 15 July 2009
Toilets on Indian trains
Passion can get results, even if it comes from the humblest of sources. In the early 20th century, Indian trains had no toilets, even though the journeys were (and are) long.
Here is copy of a letter posted in the Indian Railway Museum in Delhi. It was sent by Okhil Chandra Sen in 1909 to the Sahib Ganj Divisional Office in West Bengal, after which train compartments came to have attached toilets.
Dear Sir,
I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for the train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female woman on platform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station this too much bad if passenger go to make dung and that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake otherwise I make big report to papers.
Yours faithfully servant
Okhil Chandra Sen
If you'd like help with getting results from your letter writing, speeches or presentations, contact: phillip@pkpcommunicators.com
PKP
Here is copy of a letter posted in the Indian Railway Museum in Delhi. It was sent by Okhil Chandra Sen in 1909 to the Sahib Ganj Divisional Office in West Bengal, after which train compartments came to have attached toilets.
Dear Sir,
I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for the train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female woman on platform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station this too much bad if passenger go to make dung and that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake otherwise I make big report to papers.
Yours faithfully servant
Okhil Chandra Sen
If you'd like help with getting results from your letter writing, speeches or presentations, contact: phillip@pkpcommunicators.com
PKP
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